im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
