how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
