there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
