I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
