no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
