So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
