i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
