WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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