remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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