bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
