He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
