wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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