i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
