when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
