In the future we'll all be gay
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
