they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
