There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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