Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
