"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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