i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
