I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
