thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
