Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
