when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
