Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
