I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
