like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
