they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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