After last night, I could never be a politician.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
