i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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