That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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