and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
