after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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