This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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