maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
