I've blown a few things in my day
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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