He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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