I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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