i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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