then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
