He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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