I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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