my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
