508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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