i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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