It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
