I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
