i would punch a child for taco bell
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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