I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
