yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
