heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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