i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
