It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
