Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
